I want to share openly and vulnerably about my first Sak Yant (สักยันต์) ceremony.
From a young age, I felt a deep sense of purpose, a soul yearning to serve others. I was certain my life was meant to make a difference, to leave a mark that would ripple through time. But somewhere along the way, that yearning twisted into something darker.
As I grew, my chase for success and recognition became all-consuming. I set impossibly high standards for myself, driven by a need for approval and validation from others. I wanted to be seen, to be acknowledged, to be someone. But with each step I took toward that elusive success, I felt like I was chasing shadows. The harder I tried, the more I seemed to sabotage my own efforts. It was as if I was afraid to truly succeed, afraid that I wasn't enough and that any moment, everyone would see through my facade. “You’re not worthy.” “You are nothing, no one,” the vicious whispers in my mind would taunt.
For those wondering, Sak Yant is a form of tattooing that originated among the ancient Tai peoples. It consists of magical geometrical, animal, and deity designs accompanied by Pāli phrases that offer power, protection, fortune, charisma, and other benefits for the bearer. Each Sak Yant is different, woven and crafted by the wearer’s intention. Mine took a lot of self-honesty, and perhaps, even before I knew I was going to receive this marking, I was already refining its meaning.
Almost a year ago, I sat with a powerful medicine, known as the God Molecule to some. This potent ally from the Sonoran Desert hit me hard and stripped away all the barriers I had created to keep my shame hidden. I released it all. I hate myself. Self-hatred was the hidden mantra of my subconscious.
I share this first so you can truly understand where I have come from, the depths I had to dive into to realise my intention—the intention that I seeded into this Sak Yant.
I woke up from my hell loop and realised I couldn't keep living this way. I couldn't keep letting fear dictate my life. I had to rise, to embrace my true path with courage and authenticity. I had to honor the deep calling within me and the legacy of those who had walked this earth before me. It was time to hold the torch high, to lead with my heart, and to live a life that was bravely and unapologetically mine.
I decided to step into my role with reverence, to acknowledge the wisdom and strength of my ancestors, and to pave the way for those who would come after me. I vowed to pass the torch forward to my children and to leave embers of inspiration in the hearts of those I touched.
Living authentically isn’t easy. It means facing your fears head-on, embracing your flaws, and accepting that rejection is part of the journey. But with each step, you feel lighter, more aligned with your purpose.
As I started to write down my intention for this Sak Yant, I began to see that my worth wasn't tied to the approval of others but to the impact I made by being true to myself—the power in my presence. As I look back now, I see that the shadows I chased were merely reflections of my own fears, and I wanted this marking to be a testament to my inner child, that part of me who knew from a young age who she truly was and why she’s really here. That little girl who knew, just as I explained at the beginning, that my life and my journey had a deeper meaning.
This Sak Yant reminds me that it is my time to rise. To live authentically. To serve others with honour and reverence. And when the time comes, I'll pass the torch to the next generation, knowing that the fire I've kindled will continue to burn brightly.
Deep gratitude to Master Neng, one of the most renowned and respected masters in Bangkok, for preserving the ancient tradition of Sak Yant. The whole team at ARJANNENG THAI SAKYANT TATTOO was so warm and welcoming.
I got to experience this with one of my dearest friends, Emma. Her Sak Yant story is just as beautiful, but not mine to tell. Below are pictorial stories of Emma’s experience for your own artistic impressions—a bravely beautiful marking for an extraordinary woman.
All photos used in this blog post were captured by Emma Foster from Stone Bird Photography.
